Let Me See How This Ramble Benefits

No one can see this or hear this mic check one two one two right?

I left his place last night wanting to die inside and out i wanted to cut myself and harm myself and maybe this tells me that this isn't love after all. he loves someone else he's let someone else into his life and he has pronounced me out he hates me and he thinks i am fucking scum
he never says things like that because he doesn't want to make me feel bad but there was a feminine douche bag in his trash can and the mask that i gave him beside his bed and her side was made and his daughter's hair was braided and a note on his bar that said something about getting rid of old unnecessary things will lead to much better new things coming into his life. am i the old unnecessary thing? i am i am i am and my heart breaks more and my head is exploding do i give into the suicidal urges? i can't take this anymore he's hurt me so much and it's not even his fault. the guy i sort of like, his replacement, only wants me for sex and he's in love with someone else too. am i completely unlovable? am i am i am i?

i hate myself and my life god doesn't love me right now he is so disappointed. i know that he'll forgive me and i know i will see him soon, but i drive him crazy right now he doesn't love me at all.

Ramble # 3: the haiku edition?

one two three four five
one two three four five six set
haiku suck my ass

there once was a girl names charlie and she was a little bit more of a sally but she coped with that just fine she hated her name and her former mistakes and her mommy had just killed her daddy. imagine a random act of betrayal these are the things that consume my soul at this moment as this hour expires like my body's cells, i eat them breathe them back through my nose even as they leave my body,

i carry the burden of my serious jokes i can never understand them so complex but i digress so imagine this

imagine the burden of betrayal by friends and lovers and family in denial in prayer on prozac enlisted
my cause is just as weak as theirs i have nothing to hide i have no more secrets
my name is phil densmore and i hear the voices of my past present and future clustered in my ear drum they have perforated it
there is a haiku somewhere in here you just have to come and get it
girls hate bitches
fats hate food food hates me
i am fat and i never notice but i love my key lime pie
writing nonsense is easy when you have very little to do so try this on for size if you could

in the spriiiiing flowers bloooom like the golden gods of doooooom they proclaaaaaim my disdaiiiin and they break my mirrors tooooooooo

some day when im gone someone will be reading these and hit my grave and carve my name in trees and hide my name in grafitti or maybe write my name across the sky dot dot dot in donuts. doughnuts are silly and smelly and sometimes they rhyme with shelly that's what punks say when they're mad at poetry he never gets mad

cry me a river lay me down in a field of daffodils they interrupt me calls interrupt my flow my cycle borne of supremacy i should sit down and write everything i hate about me very very very much. when i die someone will find this and think it monumental. nothing i do is monumental except for my picket fenced denials. they deny me.

Ramble # 2

don't let the universe regret you don't let the universe regret you don't
let
the
universe
regret you or who you are or
who you were or who you will fucking be
marty mcconnel said it best i think about those words dont let the universe
regret you i wonder if the universe regrets me
zero calorie soda in the sea of grey desks and i don't even know if that's how you
spell grew greyw grew grey grey grey grey greyw
grew
i grew up in a house with no doors i think i've done that one before, oops
my eyes are closed and i can't think i'm not thinking i;mnotthinking i'm not thinking
is this he who comes into the night like mares
like nightmares that sneak into my evanescence like the songs lithium
i used to take lithium it used to make me sick my marriage was just over
i was married once in a looooong distant land of confusion infusion like that old juice fruitopia
so many people would agree that i was not right in the head when i did that because i didn't really know myself but i know know know know knwo myself now
i know things, pretty beautiful horrifying things and way more potent that the stench of paris hilton's record sales
she really sucks at singing randomness is pretty don't let the universe regret you don't let it kill you don't let it regret you ever ever every one has a price to pay for their indiscretions and living a lie isn't worth mentioning ever
i love a man i love a boy i love a boy i call him jethro he sings me songs of heartbreak he sings me songs of moons and lakes and metropolitan metro waves he sings to me like lullys lullabies he's a good singer and a good man he will never love me back never love me back. i cry at night sometimes because i miss the way his breath felt pressed gently against my neck when he told me that i was beautiful when he orgasmed like a king and i took in his potion like his submissive queen, i miss the way he looked at me with perfect nose and beautiful honest eyes and said hello and told me if anyone could teach him to move his tongue like me he would be the richest man alive. i miss warmth of touch and smell and waking up next to his body, olive toned and strong me bigger and more frail. my heart is my weakness. i can't pretend i am anything without his touch, i miss his couch i miss his pillows don't let the universe regret US i say now, don't let it build away from you and me.

Ramble # 1

i am a living breathing legend proof of divinity id like to start this ramble a bit more demure but you see i have been given time to set the synergy in motion. i am shocked by the information given to me like a librarian's life i take it all in until i can breathe no more i am asked repeatedly about mysex my love my rock and roll there are no more stories for me to tell, there are simply too many. sometimes i see myself in colors, off colors like black and white and red all over blood isn't passable in my world my word is given and taken away by my own self-indulgence my fear and scary disposition i love without remorse loving no one in return no one loves me in return and it's hard for me to take that i am a living moving picture like in the old style movies they return for a new plague they document my footsteps there are no more gifts that i can give without a sacrifice there is no truth there is no life there is no lifeline. i see myself in pictures and i see a stupid shell of a woman that grieves like bloos runs through and down pines, resin feels like blood sometimes i see a silly stupid karma trial a monsignor pays his dues with crucifixes have you ever notices that the word crucifix has the words cross and fix crosses fix things like bandaids fix battle wounds do they i hope they do my heart opens wide like the mouth of a soldier i breathe my rambles life in to many painstacking pictures i am a moving object ilke a ufo but cleaner and less frightening my best friends say i'm the pinnacle opposite of sanity they don't know how much more normal i can really seem if i just looked at myself in the mirrors, smiled and just fucking said hello to me.