Let Me See How This Ramble Benefits

No one can see this or hear this mic check one two one two right?

I left his place last night wanting to die inside and out i wanted to cut myself and harm myself and maybe this tells me that this isn't love after all. he loves someone else he's let someone else into his life and he has pronounced me out he hates me and he thinks i am fucking scum
he never says things like that because he doesn't want to make me feel bad but there was a feminine douche bag in his trash can and the mask that i gave him beside his bed and her side was made and his daughter's hair was braided and a note on his bar that said something about getting rid of old unnecessary things will lead to much better new things coming into his life. am i the old unnecessary thing? i am i am i am and my heart breaks more and my head is exploding do i give into the suicidal urges? i can't take this anymore he's hurt me so much and it's not even his fault. the guy i sort of like, his replacement, only wants me for sex and he's in love with someone else too. am i completely unlovable? am i am i am i?

i hate myself and my life god doesn't love me right now he is so disappointed. i know that he'll forgive me and i know i will see him soon, but i drive him crazy right now he doesn't love me at all.